Ridiculous Skate Photos O' Day

The World Figure Skating Championships are in Los Angeles this week and I'm reminded once again how I've never (and never will) view this activity as a sport. It's an event. It's art even. It's something that takes incredible skill. But it's NOT a sport. Same way synchronized swimming is not a sport. When makeup, silly costumes and choreography set to romantic music are involved, you can rest assured that you are not competing in a sport. If you're wearing sequins on any part of your "uniform" or body, you can be certain you are not participating in a sport. Like I said, it takes incredible skill to do what some of these people do, but so does ballet and improvisational theater, and I'm not going to paint my face, drink a beer, chow down on a dog and sit in the crowd to watch these things unfold before my eyes. So, anyway, in honor of the WFSC in action all this week, here is our new feature pointing out the ridiculousness of it all.

If Saturday Night Fever-like poses are an everyday thing for you, you have automatically disqualified yourself from participating in a sport:


If you make it a point to voluntarily be upside down, you have automatically disqualified yourself from participating in a sport:


If open-mouthed gestures, or simply trying to look sexy while you're in the middle of competition, are part of what scores you "points," you have automatically disqualified yourself from participating in a sport:


If simulated make-out sessions and the fondling of your partner's breast are on the agenda, you have automatically disqualified yourself from participating in a sport. (Though nice going with that. Great work if you can get it I suppose.)


If a skate blade comes intentionally within inches of your carotid artery and your name is not Clint Malarchuk, you have automatically disqualified yourself from participating in a sport:


If you and Rob Lowe have been mistaken for each other in public at some point, you have automatically disqualified yourself from participating in a sport:


If by your appearance you'd be mistaken for the villain in the opera "Carmen" (Is there a villain? I'm not even sure), you have automatically disqualified yourself from participating in a sport:


More to follow the rest of the week.